Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
