I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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