I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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