I seem to have left my pride at pride
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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