I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
