Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
