That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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