Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
