I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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