I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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