Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

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(630): View more from Illinois

And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

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(219): View more from Indiana

I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed

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(317): View more from Indiana

i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday

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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental

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(310): View more from California

I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.

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