she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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