Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
