oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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