Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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