How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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