"it" just moved
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize