jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
