One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
