chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
