Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
