so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
