obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
