After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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