I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
