i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
