i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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