imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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