Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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