I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
