guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
