The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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