i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
