Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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