my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
