the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize