U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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