where am i from again
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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