first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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