I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
