She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
that is very illegal...i love you.
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