If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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