Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize