we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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