She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
