There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
only you would photoshop your dick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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