I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
