umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
