"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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