I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
