I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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