Quick, to the slutcave!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
