My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
