Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I could have mohawked her pubes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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