The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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