I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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