I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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