no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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