Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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