Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
