Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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