I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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