I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
