The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
