Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
