Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
