that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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