wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
