Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
