dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
