Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
