There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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