Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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