I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
