Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
