i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
