the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We left an ass print on the piano.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
