Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.