we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.