I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
