Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Randomize
