Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.