He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
